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I already posted this picture…which I titled ‘caught in the act’…on twitter and facebook.
But none of you were appropriately outraged…and that is totally unacceptable to me. Then I realized it’s probably because you don’t know anything about this vile creature.
You were probably thinking, “Oh, look at that funny and/or cute and/or sweet cat on top of Jacqui’s freshly-washed car. How precious.”
Well, please allow me to fill you in on a few actual facts…even though you obviously already know everything in the whole wide world.
First of all…said vile creature’s name is Karma. When I first named her at five weeks old…someone prophetically asked me, “But what if she’s bad?” And, I, being a complete idiot, just smiled and said, “Then I’ll just call her Bad Karma. Easy Peasy.”
I’m really not a cat person. I like them…but I’d rather hang out with a dog. Specifically, a Golden Retriever. (At this point…do not attempt to tell me how much better your favorite dog is than a Golden Retriever. I’m not stupid…I already know yours is the best.)
But I was given a tiny gray fuzzball as a gift… because it supposedly ‘reminded’ the gift giver of me. Even though I’m not furry or gray or striped. And I’m not Satan.
So I couldn’t just refuse the damn thing. Plus, they trick you into liking them when they’re all tiny and cute and want to sleep under your chin…they make you wonder how many more you should get.
By the time I found out the real reasons for this so-called ‘gift’…that the gift giver’s cats had both had kittens at the same time…and also that she couldn’t wait to get this particular devil kitten the hell out of her house…it was too late.
By then, I had already accepted my fate…that this evil fiend was sent to me as a test. Her name reminds me daily that I don’t want to get any dents in my own karma…I like to keep that in mint condition. So, I can’t just google all those ways there are to skin a cat that I’ve heard so much about.
I have to kill her with kindness…which apparently takes a long time.
“I’m too sexy for my cat.”
P.S. I had just finished writing this when Marianna Annadanna sent me a tweet containing the above lyrics…”I’m too sexy for my cat”. And I tweeted back, “This is a coincidence…just remember I said that.”
Because one of the ways I keep myself from being upset by Bad Karma’s antics is to sing to myself, “I’m too awesome for this cat…too awesome for this cat” and then I look right in her eyes and sing, “Whatcha think about that?” Then she usually squints at me because she’s thinking of what she can do to me next. You can actually see the exact moment when a really good idea comes to her…it’s when she loses the evil squint and starts licking her paw.
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Thanks again, Jacqui!! Now I know what to do the next time some one gifts me a surprise cat.
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