Friday, August 19, 2011

Devil Bird

I swear to God, the bat in this next story is out for BLOOD.

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One evening, I came home from work and saw something hanging from the eaves of the house, just above the garage door.  It was hard to see, as it was after dark… I looked as closely as I could but it honestly looked like a brown leaf.  “That’s weird… the leaves aren’t brown yet.  It’s summer.”  I said to myself.  (I talk to myself a lot.) I shrugged my shoulders, figured I’d knock it down with the broom the next day, went inside and forgot all about it.

The next morning, as The Husband was leaving for work, he came back in looking freaked out.  “You need to see this.” I followed him outside and saw that the brown leafy thing was…. *deep breath* a BAT.  OMFG!!!!!!!!  I got all up close and personal with it the night before!  It could have flown at me and attacked!  As these images were racing through my mind, The Husband says, “Alright, so I’m going to work now!”  *blink blink*  “What?  You can not leave now!  You need to get it out of here!!!!!!”  After some…. discussion, The Husband grabbed a broom and tried to…. encourage it to
GET THE F AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE merrily fly away.  Only instead of flying away?  It kind of plopped to the ground.  I screamed and took refuge behind my Crape Myrtle bush.  When it didn’t really move, we looked to see if it was dead.  The Husband poked it a little with the broom and I kid you not, it hissed at us and began clicking.  “Hiiiissssssssss, click, click, click” while showing us it’s fangs.

 Devil Bird” Photo Cred:

This is the shit nightmares are born from, people.
I swear it hissed my name… “Click, click, click, Ellllllllleeee.  Click, click, click.”  As I had images of it sending bat attack signals to his friends, The Husband, flopped it into the grass and tried to
bail out leave for work again!  “Are you kidding???”  I was definitely shrieking by now.  “The kids play out here!  In the grass!  This bat wants their blood!  They don’t have rabies vaccines for kids!  Take it out back, into the woods!”  I dutifully handed him a shovel.  (He was just as freaked out as I was- I just happen to be more in touch with my feelings.)  He scooped it up onto the shovel, where it hissed and clicked my name again and carried it out back into the woods.  Once it was in the woods, it flew off the shovel and far, FAR away.

In conclusion, bats are the work of the devil and we will never speak of this again.

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Thanks to Elle at Spill the Beans for sharing this harrowing tale of survival!!

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1 comment:

  1. Early in my relationship with my husband, we had a run in with bats. Without warning, three came flying out of a tree. My husband screamed like a girl as he pushed me toward them and ran for cover. Yeah, I married him.