Thursday, August 4, 2011

No! This is *my* house!

Today I bring you the next instalment of Best. Story. EVER. Chemgirl over at It's So FUZZY is a new and super cute blogger that y'all should go check out IMMEDIATELY. Also, she said she thought Cheesy Bloggers was hilarious, so she must be wicked smart.

This is her story! Much like my own from Monday, but even worse, if that's possible.

no.... this is MY house!

so for my Best. Story. EVER writing prompt from cheesy bloggers I chose a story that happened 10 years ago (or so) while living in a basement suite with my ex..

I tend to toss and turn a lot when I sleep, and this night was no different. This night in particular I woke up to the sounds of the hallway door opening.. which was followed by the sounds of the living room door opening. This couldn't be a coincidence as I doubt ghosts would do that just to torture me, or they might.. cuz they are ghosts and I assume most ghosts are assholes. So anyhow, I start hitting my bf at the time to try to wake him up.. lets call him D. As he starts to wake up he's getting pissed... cuz at this point I'm so scared I'm about to be axe murdered I don't realize that even though D is awake, I'm still hitting him.

D finally convinces me that he's fully awake and aware that I'm convinced there is an axe murderer in our living room. He grabs the baseball bat I keep in my closet.. for such axe murder occasions and heads towards the living room. I cower in the bedroom listening for the telltale sounds of someone being axe murdered so I can open my bedroom window, grab my cat and run!

What I hear instead is arguing from the living room.. this doesn’t sound like something an axe murderer would do, so I go to investigate. What I find in the living room is an inebriated woman sitting on my furniture arguing with D that she is in her house. D and I both try to persuade her that in fact, she is NOT in her house and she is trespassing in ours. The woman proceeds to get extremely agitated and starts yelling at us..

"so and so is going to be mad"

"how dare you kick me out of my own house"

We finally decide that we are not going to get anywhere trying to reason with the agitated and inebriated woman.. and so we tell her that if she doesn't leave we are going to call the cops. Apparently that was the magic phrase because immediately shouted something incoherent at us and stormed back upstairs and outside.

At this point our landlord had been woken up by all the shouting and came downstairs to investigate. We were telling him the story over a cigarette while we watched the drunk lady stumble over the front lawn and pass out. The guy who rented a room upstairs (Mr. Creepy) had also been woken up from all the commotion and came downstairs and asked us what was going on. After we told him what had happened he explained that he found this girl wandering the streets on his drive home from the bar and didn't feel right about leaving her to her own devices and so he brought her home with him to sleep it off on the couch.

The landlord then yelled at Mr. Creepy for his stupid decision and told Mr. Creepy to do something about this chick before he called the cops. Mr. Creepy got in his car and drove drunk chick somewhere (I never found out where). Mr. Creepy also moved out a couple days later... and I never saw him again. The paranoid part of me figures he axe murdered her and is now on the run from the law, although that could just be my overactive imagination.

So there you have it.. a drunk woman, creepy dude and possible axe murder all in one night.

Thanks chemgirl. Sorry you had to endure that trauma, but I'm glad we could all laugh at you misfortune.

As for the rest of you! Email us your Best. Story. EVER. and we'll post it. And you'll get rich and famous. And if you haven't already checked out our new Spreadable Cheese, you oughta - there will be an exam worth 80% of your final grade.