Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Damn Tree

Lizbeth from Four Sea Stars shared this enlightening post about the downside to Christmas trees.  Damn trees.

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This is something that started after we had our first child.  We were shamed into getting an actual Christmas tree.  Up till then we didn't need one.  I mean why would we, two working adults, put up a tree in our spare time?  Pfft.  So for the first five years of our marriage, Christmas and the holiday season came and went with nary a decoration in site.  

It was wedded bliss.

Then I got pregnant and popped out a kid in October.  

And we went through our fist Christmas with, again, nary a decoration in site.  I mean really?  The kid was less than three months old.  He wasn't going to remember anything and damn it, I was tired.  We took pictures in front of our friends tree and called it a day.  

We're good Catholics like that.  

And then everyone found out we didn't have a tree.  For an entire year we were harangued, harassed, and told by random strangers, who found out from a friend of a friend, how we had to have a Christmas tree otherwise our young child would be scarred for life.  Not that random strangers coming up and pinching him on the cheeks and telling us what to do was acceptable but whatever.  

So we bought a Christmas tree.  And every year since then we've had the tradition of: Mommy Cussing Out the Tree While Hanging Garland.  The Day After Thanksgiving.  Also known as Friday.  

Every fucking year.  

Without fail.  

I cuss out the tree.   

It got even better as the man who shall remain nameless, also known as my husband, got sick of our eight foot tree and bought a fourteen, yes fourteen, foot tree when it went on sale at Sam's Club because it was 70% off.  

"But it was 70% off," he trailed as I raised my hands in defeat and walked away.

So now we have a new and improved tradition which is called something along the lines of: Mommy Cusses Out the Tree Daddy Bought While Hanging Garland Because it Was 70% Off at Fucking Sam's Club.  The Day After Thanksgiving.  Also known as Friday.  

On an extension ladder.  

Every fucking year.     

Without fail.  

And that is our family tradition.  

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Thanks, Lizbeth!  Any one else want to share a Christmas tradition?  Email to be a featured poster!