Monday, May 28, 2012

Operation Play MORE

Hey Cheesers!  Miss Sarcasm here with our newest theme:  Playing.  See my original post on this topic here.

I had a realization a few days ago.  An epiphany, if you will.

 I don't play anymore.  

When did I stop playing?  When did I stop running through the rain and playing Ghost in the Graveyard and doing barefoot cartwheels in the neighbors' lawns?  When did I go from playful and lively and young, to tired and boring and jaded?
I may be 34 years old.  I may be a momma and wife and full time employee.  But I'm also a girl.  A girl who used to grab life by the balls and run frantically whenever someone yelled, "it's the cops! Play it cool!" whilst jumping fences and hiding in closets.  I miss that girl.  I miss being carefree and de-stressed and vivacious.
So I did what most normal people do and I took to the Twitter.  #operationplaymore was born.  I'm on day 3 of Operation Play More and I have accomplished the following so far:
1. Swinging as high as I can on a swing set.  High enough to get that tickly tummy feeling that makes you laugh out loud.  It was awesome!2.  Playing on a playground going up and down slides.3.  Swimming in a pool and floating in a pool for hours. 4.  Tree climbing.  That's hard stuff there y'all.  I'll have to keep practicing.5.  Re-mastering the sommersault.  So. Much. Fun.  It seems scary at first, but trust me.  Just fling yourself the fuck over and go for it.  Protect your neck though.  We're not getting any younger.  Tuck and roll baby. 6.  Re-mastering the running man.7.  Online karaoke.  Sober too. 

All this playing in just three days.  And I've noticed something you guys.  I feel....lighter.  I'm smiling more.  And I'm not even drunk or medicated.  I'm just feeling more...dare I say it.... carefree and immature. 

Feels effing good.

Up next?  Jumping in a lake fully clothed.  Flying a kite.  Pulling the bike out.  Maybe some middle of the night trespassing and star-gazing....

So join me, will you?  Link up below and become a part of Operation Play More.  Because life is hard.  Life can suck.  Being a grown up can be a HUGE fucking bummer.  We need to play more y'all.  Hard.

Take pics, videos, write posts, tweet it up (#operationplaymore). 
What are you doing to PLAY MORE??

If you have a great story about playing, send it to us at so we can showcase your piece here for our current theme.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Ew ew ew ew ew. EW.

Our dear friend Sherilin had a VERY bad experience in the movie theatre.  Which of course she felt obliged to share with us.  And of course we said we'd post it.  Because, apparently, we'll post anything.  Regardless of how disturbing it is. 

And have you got a movie story of your own?  Email it to and we'll post it.  Seriously.  Because it seems we have no limits.   


have i got a movie story for you!

when i was 21 (a lot of my stories seem to have happened around that time. they were sort of my glory days. i did lots of stupid stuff that makes for great story fodder, but i would never want to live it again.) i went to a movie theatre with a girlfriend to see "Dead Man Walking." if you haven't seen it, there's a link to the trailer, but essentially, it's the story of a convicted murderer on death row & a nun who is his spiritual advisor. it is a sad drama.

the movie had been playing for at least half an hour. there weren't many people in the theatre because it had been out for quite a while and it was a weekday. then a man came in & sat down 3 seats away from me. it seemed odd to me that with all the empty seats in the theatre, he'd chosen to sit with just 2 empty chairs between us. it was also odd that he'd come into the movie so long after it had started. other than thinking those two things, i didn't pay any attention to the man.

a few minutes later, i got the feeling that i was being watched. i glanced over & saw that he was staring at my legs. both myself and my friend were wearing shorts & we had our feet up on the empty seats in front of us and that man was very clearly & openly looking at our legs. i nudged my friend and pointed at him. at that time in our lives, we were used to getting checked out by men, so it didn't strike us as surprising, just tacky to be so obvious about it.

shortly after that, i noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and peeked toward him again. there was movement in the region of his lap. i was elbowing my friend & whispering frantically that i thought the dude was handling himself. she wasn't shy at all about turning to stare straight at him to determine if i was right. and sure enough, he wasn't just handling his business, he had pulled it all the way out.

we were pretty shocked to be sitting in a sad movie in a public theatre and to have a man sitting beside us, spanking his monkey. we didn't know what we should do. we would have had to climb over him to get to the aisle or else climb over a seat to get into a different row and neither of those options seemed good, so we just sat there, unable to even notice what was happening on the big screen because we had our own drama unfolding right in our row.

we started saying "gross!" and "dirty old man" in loud whispers, hoping that would make him leave. it didn't. we put our legs down and tucked them under us so he wouldn't be looking at them anymore, but still he kept up his obviously pleasurable activities. we started hissing out phrases more loudly, like "that's disgusting!" or "put your nasty thing away, no one wants to see that!" it seemed as though our complaining was adding to his enjoyment and before too long, his head was thrown back and his pace increased until it was finally over. then he looked straight at us and grinned, adjusted his pants and left.

we were very relieved when he left. the movie had climaxed along with the man and we were just waiting for it to be finished so we could go out & shriek about what we'd just seen. unfortunately, that's when a different man came in & sat in the same seat that had just been vacated by the first perv. we could hardly believe our eyes when he sat right down, and whipped out his meat wrench with no hesitation or warning and started petting it.

this guy looked nothing like the first guy. they were at least 30 years apart in age, different races and dressed in such a way that they appeared to be from very different socio-economic groups. we couldn't figure out how it could happen once during our movie watching experience, but twice was just too much to comprehend.

we'd had more than enough by then & we started talking loudly; gesturing toward him to try to draw the attention of the others in the theatre. it worked and he didn't stay long before he zipped up & skeedaddled out of there.

once the movie was over, we carefully stepped over the puddle on the floor in front of the dirty dude's seat & raced out to our car, terrified that we'd be followed. we made it home safely, but were left with a story we can never forget.
K, Sherilin.  I have some advice for the 21-year-old you:
Simply get up, and walk out. 
Then tattle on him. 
Leave.  Then tattle.  Two simple steps. 

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Movies are ass buckets

In honour of the upcoming Chicago twitter movie night (which you still have to vote for, by the way, over there on the side panel thingie), I have posted one of my archived posts about movies. 

Not just movies in general, but stupid effing movies that confuse the shit out of my little brain because they're effing STUPID


If you have a movie story, email it!  Like, now.  I want to hear it.  Please.  And thank you. 

Hubby and I went to a movie with friends on Friday night.  There were a couple of film-viewing options. 

Option one: Limitless

I'd never heard of this movie, so, obviously, I had no interest in seeing it. 

It stars that guy who was in that movie with Scarlett Johansson.  You know the one.  He and Scarlett meet in a grocery store and have an affair.  I don't know the name of it, but he was really sexy.  Despite the fact that he was a cheating asshole.

Anyway, Limitless stars him - Sexy Guy.  Except with longer, curlier hair.  His character gets addicted to a drug that makes him exceptionally smart. 

I would have rather watched our second option: The Adjustment Bureau, with Matt Damon.  Because Matt Damon trumps everyone.  Except maybe Leo.  

So naturally, us girls wanted to see the Matt Damon flick.  But the boys wanted to see Sexy Guy (my name, not theirs) get all hopped up on the smart drug. 


Suckers!  We win!  Matt Damon, here we come. 

But then my gal-friend totally stabbed me in the back.  Somehow she talked me into being a good person (wtf?) so I bought tickets for the smart drug movie.  Just to surprise them, she said.  What a traitor!  At least Sexy Guy was in it... 

I guess it wasn't bad, but I gave up when Sexy Guy drank another drug addict's blood to get his fix.  Gross.  

In the end, I wish we'd seen that one with Jake Gyllenhaal instead.

"I think it's called Unstoppable" I said.

"Really? Isn't Unstoppable just like Speed... except on a train?"

"No, no. It's not the train that's unstoppable, it's fate that's unstoppable.  Jake repeatedly travels back in time to the same train accident to save his girlfriend."

"Oh, that sounds better.  Like Groundhog Day on a train."


But it turns out I was totally wrong.  As usual.

I guess I don't actually know the title of the Jake Gyllenhaal movie.  Someone told me I was confusing it with a Denzel Washington flick with the same premise - time travel to solve a train bombing. Unstoppable, I was told, is exactly like Speed.

But THEN I noticed that Unstoppable is listed on my Rogers Cable, and it stars Denzel.  Without Jake Gyllenhaal.

So NOW I'm really effing confused and you can't trust me with any basic movie knowledge whatsoever.


Turns out that the interwebs are pretty good at answering random questions. 

I just found this picture.  Sexy Guy is Bradley Cooper and he was in He's Just Not That Into You with Scarlett Johansson. 

And Source Code, with Jake Gyllenhaal, is, in fact, Groundhog Day on a train.

Unstoppable is with Denzel - and yes, it is basically Speed on a train.

There is another Denzel movie called Déja Vu, in which he time travels to find the bomber of a ferry - not a train. 

Hopefully you can follow this mess.  I think I'm still lost. 


Ass buckets.  So confusing. 

Email us, though, at with your best movie story - old or new - and we'll post it!

Also, don't forget to vote for Chicago twitter movie night over there ---> 

(I'm demanding, eh?  Yeah.  Well.  Whatever.)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Twitter Movie Night!

Once upon a time, three cheesy gals decided to make their dream of a cheesy blogger "conference" (aka pizza and beer fest) come to fruition.  They invited every blogger they knew and they prayed to the Bloggess that everyone would come.  Yadda yadda yadda, it's booked for June 22-24, it's REAL, it's happening, and you all. have. to. come.  CLICK HERE

The point?  The point is that we're super freaking jumping-out-of-our-damn-skin-and-crying-and-screaming-with-anticipation excited. 

And in honour of our jumping-out-of-our-damn-skin-and-crying-and-screaming-with-anticipation excitement...


And not just any Twitter Movie Night. 


With movies taking place in Chicago.  Because Chicago is WICKED and you'd basically be stupid if you didn't want to see it for yourself.  Basically. 

Were you there last time, when we held twitter movie night?  We all watched Rango together live on the twitter, and it was exceptionally wonderful. 

So.  This next movie night is officially scheduled for Sunday, May 27 at 7:00pm Eastern.  

And here are your movie choices!  Please exercise your right to vote.  Over there on the right --->

1) Ferris Bueller's Day Off

2) The Dark Knight

3) Chicago

4) Bridesmaids

We'll announce the winning movie on Friday night (May 25) so you have time to rent it, or buy it, or find it on Netflix, or illegally download it, or hire actors to play it in your living room.  Whichever.  

And then simply join us in a twit fit on Sunday night May 27 with the hashtag #movienight !

In the meantime, if you have a fav movie story to share, email us at .  We'll have some to share soon. 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Cheese Is Always In Fashion

Have you started packing your suitcase yet for the Cheesy Blogger Conference in Chicago, IL?!  As you do so, you might want to reflect on your fashion choices. My fashion history is nothing if not...cheesy.

I’ve never been a stranger to bright colors and new styles when it comes to fashion. But in my younger years my sense of style sometimes went into overdrive.

Example 1:

When I was in middle school (early 90’s), body suits (like a baby’s onsie but for adults, to be worn in the same manner as a blouse/shirt) briefly came into fashion. Most other girls had already sprouted what I could only assume were magnificent boobs, and showed them off in all their glory by wearing tight fitting body suits.

Not wanting to miss out on this surely timeless style, I too wore body suits. Except I had no boobs. None. Not even a hint of boob. So on me, body suits just looked like I had tucked my shirt in too much. The fact that I still wore high waisted jeans didn’t add to the ensemble.

Example 2:

The middle school years were not kind to me. I still shopped in the girls 7 - 14 section, and for some reason some one thought that girls of that size should really sport tapestry-style vests such as these:

Fetching, no? And this at the age where I hoped boys would notice me. I even got my 7th grade school photo taken in one of these fine numbers. It had faces of children of all races and nationalities smiling together, in a tapestry woven of peace and happiness and rainbows and polyester.

By 9th grade I figured out that the tapestry vest may not be the most flattering look, so I switched to sweater vests. In fact, I clearly remember strutting my stuff down the hallway wearing a moss green sweater vest over a white t-shirt, jeans, and matching moss green clogs thinking “Yeah, I’m hot stuff!”

No matter what the style or situation, to this day I can no longer consider wearing a vest without dying a little inside.

Example 3:

High school turned into an exploration of the shape and fit of a garment relevant to the length and width of the human body, as well as an introspective study of color and pattern. Some illustrations:

I regularly purchased and wore size large Gap sweatshirts. Never mind that I was all of 90 pounds wet, and Gap made sweatshirts of all sizes, including a perfectly crommulent extra-small. Nope, for me large was the only way to go.

Or consider the time I finally realized I had hips (sort of) and purchased, for the first time from the junior’s section, some tight-fitting denim shorts. Which I proceeded to wear with a size large purple t-shirt. Again, notice the glaring incongruity between my perception of the size I actually am, and the size clothing that actually fits me.

A red and white striped ribbed t-shirt with a denim collar? A turquoise polyester button-down Hawaiian-style shirt, except instead of flowers it was graffitied hearts? Shall I continue?

I also considered it essential to wear a cotton turtleneck under each and every sweater I owned. Considering I grew up in Wisconsin, I owned a lot of sweaters. The only acceptable turtleneck colors were white or black. It didn’t matter if the sweater was fitted or baggy, long or short, crew neck or cardigan or anything in-between. The policy was strictly enforced even if the sweater itself was a turtleneck.

If turtlenecks were wrong, I didn’t want to be right.

Example 4: Hope For The Future

Finally, the summer after I turned 16, something clicked. I finally lost that gawky awkward teenager look, and began to look a little more like a normal person. This didn’t mean I still wasn’t a spaz; I was. I just didn’t look like one. I determined, with reasonable certainty, what sizes the top half and bottom half of my body were. And I knew which patterns would inevitably lead to stares and snickers.

That’s not to say I still didn’t make mistakes. A gold lame halter top. A sparkly black tank top with fringe. A blue paisley sash worn as a belt, hair tie, and scarf. But I at least began to develop my own sense of style.

.... So, have you decided what to wear yet?  Because we can’t wait to see you!  And we want your stories.  Email your cheesy fashion stories to to have your post featured on our main page.  And join us as the Cheesy Bloggers Take On Chicago!! We can’t wait to see you there!