Sunday, August 12, 2012

Silver Medal Mottos

Friday night I was wandering around the twitter, and I came across an article.  The article claimed that competitors prefer to win a bronze medal than a silver medal. 

Now  Having never won any type of medal myself, I can't claim to be an expert. But this makes complete sense to me. 

A bronze medal means you made the top three.  At least you weren't fourth.  A silver medal, alternatively, means that you JUST missed the top spot.  You could have been a champ, but you weren't quite good enough. 

This obviously brought on a hilarious tweet fit between myself and Miss Laura Anne @LA_theGirl






First, Laura Anne said:

They should add the phrase "mckayla is not impressed" to the silver medal.    
    


To which I laughed and replied:

Or "FAIL."

And then it started.  Laura Anne and I went back and forth for far too long, quoting what we thought were appropriate Silver Medal Mottos.

@LA_theGirl:  "Maybe next time?"

@SnappySurprise: "Hope that wasn't your last chance."

@LA_theGirl: "Not pictured on Wheaties."

@SnappySurprise: "Lucky, since I don't know my national anthem."

@LA_theGirl: "It could be worse."

@SnappySurprise: "Just pretend it's white gold." 

@LA_theGirl:  "Filing an enquiry." 

@SnappySurprise: "You were probably on drugs anyway."

@LA_theGirl:  "Dear 3rd place, Sucka!"

@SnappySurprise: "My cat could do that better." 

@LA_theGirl:  "Almost!"

@SnappySurprise: "First is the worst. Second is the best. Third is the one with the hairy chest."

@LA_theGirl:  "Cheated ---->" (points at gold)


And that was it  That was the winning Silver Medal Motto, right there.  Because all I could do was imagine some amazingly impressive, muscular, world record holding Olympic champion, standing on the podium, silver medal hanging around his neck... with eyebrows raised and thumb pointing over at the one person who beat him, and a thinking bubble floating above his head:  Cheated ---->. 

And then I laughed for five minutes. 

Thanks Laura Anne.  I now adore you.  I don't mind conceding defeat to the master.  Although you probably cheated. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

Eye poking should totally be an Olympic event

Hello!  Welcome to the brain of the HILARIOUS GENIUS Miss Mayor Gia.  If you have not yet experienced the remarkable humour of this adorable gal, I promise you, you are in for a TREAT

This time, she is gracing us with her analysis of the categories that make up the Girlfriend Olympics.  She says she's awarding herself medals where appropriate. We think you’ll find she's being more than fair. 

And keep your eyes peeled for "The Clinger" - that's a good one. 

If you'd got an sporty or Olympic-y post for us - old or new - send it on over!  Just email the html to CheesyBloggers@gmail.com . 

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The Girlfriend Olympics


As I briefly mentioned last week, I may not be Olympic material, per se.

Oh, except for this:




What, you don’t believe me? Please, let me prove myself.

Here are the events of the Girlfriend Olympics that I would dominate:


EVENT 1: PIE-MAKING

Description:  Good girlfriends bake, of course. Super good girlfriends bake delicious things.  Gold medal girlfriends bake delicious apple pies.

My qualifications: I present that time I made boyfriend an apple pie:




Results: C’mon guys. Best pie EVER. No one else comes close. I award myself GOLD.




EVENT 2: BEING  HELPFUL

Description: We’re not just trophy girlfriends, damnit! Girlfriends need to be helpful with stuff, like telling Boyfriends how to put something together or letting them know we think they’re lost and they should probably stop and ask for directions.

My qualifications: I built a grill, remember?




Also who is the one who told Boyfriend about the trout fishing in my town? ME. That’s who.




Results: GOLD. 





He means this



Anyhoo, next event:


EVENT 3: EYEPOKING

 





Description: Self explanatory, no?
My qualification



Um, I’m pretty good at accidentally poking.  Boyfriend in the eye. It’s mostly an accident, I swear.





*whistles*

Results: GOLD! Actually, I’m the only one in this event:


It'll catch on eventually.

EVENT 4: WINE DRINKING

Description: The ability to drink (or, as some might say, “guzzle”) wine is a very important skill for girlfriends.  Why, you ask? Well, that’s a silly question. Don’t ask that. Just accept it as true.




My qualifications: I’m really good at drinking wine. Even when I try to not be.




Results: Clearly, I’m a gold medalist in this competition.


Total for Day One: 156.32


EVENT 5: SEXYTIME


Description: Apparently boyfriends like sexytime. This is a shock to no one.

My qualifications: Well, I’m a sex goddess:




And there’s this of course:


Use your imagination. Or don't. 

Results: GOLD



YAAAY!





Yes, GOLD.


EVENT 6: RUNNING




Next!


(REAL) EVENT 6: HUGGING

Description: It’s not all about sexytime, you know. Girlfriends need to be good huggers, too.

My qualifications: Well, I’m a solid Boyfriend-hugger on a normal day:




But then I pull my super tricky climber move. I call it “The Clinger.”




Results: Gold, obviously. OBVIOUSLY.


Yay Boyfriend! You get a medal for this one too!

Okay, time to tally up the points…




Oh?




…oh.


Um. Okay. Here we go:


EVENT 7: LETTING BOYFRIEND SLEEP


Description: I don’t know. Sleep isn’t that important.




Okay, okay.

My qualifications: I usually let Boyfriend sleep.






 
Ahem, that was kind of your fault for waking up and saying your chest felt weird.






Hey. Boob pain is serious.


OKAY okay! Hmph. We get the picture.

Results: I’m giving myself bronze for that one.



ANYWAY, let’s tally up the overall points!

Me: 305.21

Why, that’s enough to clinch the gold in the overall competition for the GIRLFRIEND OLYMPICS!




I believe that OFFICIALLY makes me the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND!!







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AH! HAhahahahahahaha!  Gia, I adore you.  Thank you for letting us post this.  Our blog is 10x better because of it. 



Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Who's an Olympian? I am! I am!

I'M SO ADDICTED TO THE OLYMPICS THAT I MAY NEED TO JOIN A 12 TO 27 STEP PROGRAM.  MAYBE 30 STEPS.  I'LL NEED A LOT OF STEPS. 

I was on vacation last week.  And by "on vacation" I mean "on my couch watching the Olympics."  Although sometimes I was outside.  Listening to the Olympics on my outdoor speakers. 

Which is weird, because I'm not at all a fan of sports.  Not playing them, nor observing them.  I like kickboxing, mostly because you get to kick and punch things.  I used to instruct skiing, until I grew up and my parents stopped paying for ski trips.

But other than that, I always faked cramps to avoid basketball, and I felt too inadequate to bother pursuing anything else I was even remotely interested in. 

Like last weekend, for example, when I went to play golf drive a cart and drink beer on a golf course. 

This is me "golfing" (ie, chasing the beer cart)

But when it comes to the Olympics?  HUGE FAN. 

International competition? Check.
Patriotism? Check. 
Variety of events? Check?
Hot swimmer muscles? CHECK and CHECK. 

Since I went back to work today, however, I've been feeling the withdrawals.  Like the meat sweats, but even more pathetic. 

And to make matters worse, my hopes and dreams were crushed by yesterday's devastating Canadian soccer loss to the American women, as well as our adorable flag-bearer's bicycle crash in the triathlon. 

Despite that, though, I still love it.  I love the national pride, and I love watching people adore something so much - even if it is insane.  I like the passion. And the muscly butts.  Passion and butts.  Those are the highlights.  Obviously. 

What do you think of the Olympics? Or sports in general?  Have you got a post about it?  Send it on over to CheesyBloggers@gmail.com and we'll post it here for all to enjoy. 

I also collected some hilarious shit for yout to look it, over at our Spreadable Cheese Page.  You're welcome.