Friday, August 10, 2012

Eye poking should totally be an Olympic event

Hello!  Welcome to the brain of the HILARIOUS GENIUS Miss Mayor Gia.  If you have not yet experienced the remarkable humour of this adorable gal, I promise you, you are in for a TREAT

This time, she is gracing us with her analysis of the categories that make up the Girlfriend Olympics.  She says she's awarding herself medals where appropriate. We think you’ll find she's being more than fair. 

And keep your eyes peeled for "The Clinger" - that's a good one. 

If you'd got an sporty or Olympic-y post for us - old or new - send it on over!  Just email the html to CheesyBloggers@gmail.com . 

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The Girlfriend Olympics


As I briefly mentioned last week, I may not be Olympic material, per se.

Oh, except for this:




What, you don’t believe me? Please, let me prove myself.

Here are the events of the Girlfriend Olympics that I would dominate:


EVENT 1: PIE-MAKING

Description:  Good girlfriends bake, of course. Super good girlfriends bake delicious things.  Gold medal girlfriends bake delicious apple pies.

My qualifications: I present that time I made boyfriend an apple pie:




Results: C’mon guys. Best pie EVER. No one else comes close. I award myself GOLD.




EVENT 2: BEING  HELPFUL

Description: We’re not just trophy girlfriends, damnit! Girlfriends need to be helpful with stuff, like telling Boyfriends how to put something together or letting them know we think they’re lost and they should probably stop and ask for directions.

My qualifications: I built a grill, remember?




Also who is the one who told Boyfriend about the trout fishing in my town? ME. That’s who.




Results: GOLD. 





He means this



Anyhoo, next event:


EVENT 3: EYEPOKING

 





Description: Self explanatory, no?
My qualification



Um, I’m pretty good at accidentally poking.  Boyfriend in the eye. It’s mostly an accident, I swear.





*whistles*

Results: GOLD! Actually, I’m the only one in this event:


It'll catch on eventually.

EVENT 4: WINE DRINKING

Description: The ability to drink (or, as some might say, “guzzle”) wine is a very important skill for girlfriends.  Why, you ask? Well, that’s a silly question. Don’t ask that. Just accept it as true.




My qualifications: I’m really good at drinking wine. Even when I try to not be.




Results: Clearly, I’m a gold medalist in this competition.


Total for Day One: 156.32


EVENT 5: SEXYTIME


Description: Apparently boyfriends like sexytime. This is a shock to no one.

My qualifications: Well, I’m a sex goddess:




And there’s this of course:


Use your imagination. Or don't. 

Results: GOLD



YAAAY!





Yes, GOLD.


EVENT 6: RUNNING




Next!


(REAL) EVENT 6: HUGGING

Description: It’s not all about sexytime, you know. Girlfriends need to be good huggers, too.

My qualifications: Well, I’m a solid Boyfriend-hugger on a normal day:




But then I pull my super tricky climber move. I call it “The Clinger.”




Results: Gold, obviously. OBVIOUSLY.


Yay Boyfriend! You get a medal for this one too!

Okay, time to tally up the points…




Oh?




…oh.


Um. Okay. Here we go:


EVENT 7: LETTING BOYFRIEND SLEEP


Description: I don’t know. Sleep isn’t that important.




Okay, okay.

My qualifications: I usually let Boyfriend sleep.






 
Ahem, that was kind of your fault for waking up and saying your chest felt weird.






Hey. Boob pain is serious.


OKAY okay! Hmph. We get the picture.

Results: I’m giving myself bronze for that one.



ANYWAY, let’s tally up the overall points!

Me: 305.21

Why, that’s enough to clinch the gold in the overall competition for the GIRLFRIEND OLYMPICS!




I believe that OFFICIALLY makes me the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND!!







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AH! HAhahahahahahaha!  Gia, I adore you.  Thank you for letting us post this.  Our blog is 10x better because of it.